hopeless romantic

It has definitely been a WHILE since I've updated. Once again, I'm in a different position (still single) when it comes to love and relationships from when I wrote the last time. I've never been in love nor experienced it from a guy. (I'm supposed to be doing homework) BUT I was thinking and just jotted down how I currently feel about relationships and love.

I want to be the one you talk to all day.

I want to be the one you talk to about your day, how you're feeling.

I want to be there when you're sad, when you're happy. 

I want to be the one you feel comfortable enough crying to.

I want to be the one who talks shit to you AND kicks your ass when we play the game.

I want to be the one on your mind when you lay down at the end of the day

I wanna cook for you and rub your back after a long day. 

I wanna cater to you. I wanna be catered to.

I wanna spend hours just talking about anything and everything.

I wanna inspire you. 

I want to motivate you and I want you to encourage me.

Accept my flaws cause i'll love you for yours.

I wouldn't want anybody else cause you'll be all I need. 

I want people to look at us and say..

"They're so cute together. I want a relationship like that"

We'll laugh cause we know everything isn't perfect..

but still be together because we know it's all worth it. 

But, most of all..I want you to want me.

STRAIGHT LIKE THAT. lol :P

I'm tired of the non-commiters. I'm tired of the ones with hidden motives. I'm tired of the players and the liars. I'm tired of putting myself on the line and getting hurt. Unlike most, I don't blame the past, I'm just cautious. I'm a very smart, and strong minded young woman. I would say I'm "different", but it's far beyond that with me.  People always say "you seem like the perfect girl, if I had you, I wouldn't mess up"Why can't I experience happiness with someone else then?

selfish?

I havent updated this in a while.. I was reading my post about "love"..and I'm feeling the total opposite right now. Don't get me wrong, I want that love..those arguments.. but I think I like the idea of that more than the actual thing. Im a big ball of confusion when I actually think about it though. I admit, I DON'T know what I really want, but then sometimes I do know..*shrugs* I blame it on all these love songs nshit -_- but anyways, at this point in time, my main focus is strictly school. Relationships just seem to ...not so much "get in the way" but, it takes my focus off that. I feel that I'm too young right now to be worrying about someone else. Furthermore, I'm too confused and lost in this world as it is, I barely know myself..I can barely please myself..how am I suppose to make someone else happy? How am i supposed try to figure someone else out when I don't fully know myself? Ya'll feel me? So, right now, I'm just doing me..I may talk to someone here and then, but that serious mess..right now? No, thanks. Idk though. Am i being selfish to only think of me and my future when it comes to that relationship shit? Well, if it's being selfish then damnit, I'm selfish. More so ambitious though. I have so many goals that I will accomplish..and I refuse to let anything or anybody take my mind and focus from that. eh, enough for now.

I walk alone

After crying my eyes out...I figure I'd write a blog...
I'm at a place in my life that I guess everyone experiences at one point in time. I feel so alone.."friends" who are suppose to be here aren't, I have NO significant other to share my thoughts with and be comforted by. Just noone. And the only thing, besides God, that I truly fear is being alone. I haven't hung or really talked to my best friends in months..and why??? Some people say you realize who your true friends are and that you have to let some people go, but I never thought I'd be this alone ; I thought I would at least have that ONE friend (excluding my brothers) who would be there.. You would think I'd be the happiest person because of the things I have ...but all that amounts to absolutely nothing ; behind that smile you see is a total mystery. I guess this is good someone since everything happens for a reason, but I just can't see how right now...I feel so damn crazy because one minute I'm okay...and the next, as time goes by and I realize how lonely I am, I'm a wreck.... Smh...maybe I just need to use this time to figure out who I am..

that word .

My first blog :) I'm just gonna go right into it .
If you follow me on twitter, or if you're a friend of mine on facebook, you may realize that i always rant about relationships and that "L" word. I've been through just about everything when it comes to relationships. I truly feel as if I'm destined to be alone/single although I want to have that "fairy tale love" sooo bad. I wanna have those arguments and make back up. I want to fall asleep talking to that special person, or wake up with a smile because of that sweet text message he sent. I want to feel special to someone. I want that long-term relationship..But at the moment, I feel that those wants are impossible.. I have that " all guys are the same" mentality and it's because they have proven to be. I know people say you can't generalize guys and you have to give em a try, but why keep trying if I only get hurt?? Why keep putting my heart on the line just so it can get crushed? Why open up to someone when it's just going to result in pain? It makes NO sense to me to keep allowing myself to get hurt. My longest relationship was for two years with a guy I was so in love with and would do anything for..but THAT ended because he cheated. With the ex of my recent ex-relationship (i guess) knowing I was cheated on and how hurt I was, he ended up cheating on me as well :/ which opened the scars from the past, cut em deeper, and left me even more heartbroken. I used to question and evaluate myself as if I was the reason that they cheated..but I can honestly say I'm a cool person, goofy, good-looking, all that...I like spoiling my guy..doing romantic things for him, leaving sweet messages, doing WHATEVER he wants to do..so what more could they ask for?? I can honestly say I'm not like most females. I mean I have my flaws, but that's human. All I REALLY ask for in a guy is someone who is honest and understand, respectful, someone who can make me laugh(which isn't hard), someone educated and going somewhere with their life ,Money is no object, I don't care what you have, or about what others think about you... and I just want someone I can just enjoy being around. is that too much to ask for? seriously..is it?? *shrugs and sighs* ... i GUESS it is :/ or maybe it is my fault for letting certain people go right before my eyes..I should have done some things differently, but you learn from your mistakes...I'm just SO ready for something REAL with no bullshit..I swear I am..